The Flu
by aranenumenesse
Summary: Logan's healing usually kicks in when injury he sustains is life threatening. What if it wasn't life threatening, or even injury per say? Rogan. AU.
1. The Flu

_cough, cough_

"What did Jean say?"

_sneeze_

"Logan? What Jean said?"

_cough, growl_

"Logan!"

"Whad?!" _cough_

"What did Jean say?"

_cough_ "Id isn'd life dhreadening… Jusd have do ride dhis dhrough…" _groan_

"Poor baby… Come on, I know what'll cheer you up!"

"Marie… Jusd led me die, okay…" _sneeze_

"Come on! We'll get you better in no time, I'll promise!"

"How dhe fuck dhis isn'd ledhal? Can'd fuckin' breadhe!" _growl_

* * *

"Whad did you say dhis is?" 

"Onions and milk, boiled together. It's good for you trust me. Now you just sit tight and drink that while I make some chicken soup for you…"

_sneeze, cough_ "Id probably is a good dhing dhad my nose isn'd workin'…"

"Why dhe fuck is id so cold in here… Xavier saving with elecdrigbills?" _cough, shiver_

"You just feel that way because you have fever. It'll pass, trust me. Eat your soup."

"I'm nod hungry…"

"Stop whining and eat."

_cough, cough_

"Don't choke on it."

"Jeesh… Aren'd you full of sympadhy doday…"

"One could almost think you haven't been ill before."

"I haven'd…" _cough, groan_ "And dhe small pain from sdabbing myself dhrough dhe gud do ged healed up is sdardin' do sound bedder every second…"

* * *

"Whad's dhis?" _cough, growl_

"It's a nasal spray. Should help to open your sinuses. You're sounding a bit stuffy."

"Really? Wonder why…" _sneeze_

"Just use it."

"So I sduff dhis end do my nose and squeeze?"

"Remember to inhale. Otherwise it just drips straight back out."

"Inhale? How dhe fuck am I supposed do do dhad?!"

_cough, cough, sneeze_ **GROWL!!**

* * *

"Ahh… Shit… Hand me that tissue… Oww… My fucking nose…" _sneeze_ "What the fuck is in that? Battery acid?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah. I think it ate off everything except adamantium from inside of my skull… Ahh, fuck!" _cough_

"Now that we have gotten your sniffer back in order, we should see if we can do something about that nasty cough of yours."

"Marie… If it involves me inhaling vile substances, forget it…"

"No, no. I think you might actually like this…"

"What is this? Feels cold…"

"VapoRub. It'll warm up soon. Just rub it on to your chest."

"It stings my eyes…"

"You didn't rub your face, did you?"

"No… At least I don't think so."

"Logan…"

_cough, cough_

"No, I didn't. It's the fumes. I can't fucking see a thing… What are you trying to do? Kill me? Because if that's what you're after, there are easier ways… Oh, Christ…" _growl_

"That's it. And now put on a t-shirt and go to bed. I'll bring you some extra blankets."

_groan_ "My head hurts… Can't get comfortable…"

"That's the fever. Here. There's a pitcher of water on the table. Remember to drink a lot."

"Marie?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you come over here and sit with me? Just until I fall asleep?" _whine, cough, growl_

"Well, I'll probably catch it anyway… Scoot over a bit."

"Thanks. Can I…"

"Put your head on my lap."

"Thanks, kid." _cough_

_sigh_


	2. Random Ramblings In SubReality

_'Let's play with his nose hair! Yippe-kay-yeah, motherfucker!!!'_

"Who… Wha… Whatthefuck?" _cough, groan_

He bolted to a seated position, head swiveling around, searching for his perverted visitor. Room was empty, but for a moment he could feel something in the back of his throat, like tiny feet kicking his uvula. He grasped the pitcher Marie had left in his room and drank straight out of it. Fever had come and gone during the night, and judging from the erratic, jerky shivers racing down his body it was climbing up again. At least he had gotten rid of the runny nose, but his lungs still felt dry and clogged up.

"How the hell do they do this every fucking winter?" He groaned, flopping down on his back. This was the first and only time in his remembered life he was having a flu, and thought of ordinary people going through with this torment yearly, some unlucky bastards monthly almost made tears well up in his eyes from sympathy.

As soon as the fever had settled to a bearable level and he wasn't trembling like a leaf in the wind he got up. Sick or no sick, he had people to see, places to be…

* * *

"Logan, no! I'm telling you for the last time…" 

"Aww, Jean… Please… Help me out a bit."

"Jesus, you're one scary critter when you bat your lashes… I already told you I won't give you cyanide. You will get through with this little flu on your own. Might do some good to you. Maybe you finally realize you're not immortal."

_cough_ "You know I could just walk in and take it…"

"And in what universe having adamantium claws makes you immune to telekinesis?"

"Fine. Be a bitch…" _cough, muttering_

* * *

_You are my deessstinyyyy…._

"Hmph?" He was quite sure he hadn't left the TV open when he went to bed. There had been a game on, but he had been too exhausted to watch it.

_You are my one and only… You gave that joy to mee…_

He cracked one eye open. During the night he had kicked off the blanket. Three snails and two mice were gathered on his chest. Snails were singing back up. Male mouse had a tux on, and he was kneeling, spreading his arms quite theatrically, and singing from the top of his tiny lungs to a girl mouse that was standing awfully close to his left nipple, wearing form-fitting long nightgown and stiletto heels.

"This is fucking unreal…" He raised a finger and poked the girl mouse lightly. It stumbled over and got tangled to his chest hair.

_Back off, bub! That's my girl you're messing with!_ Mouse wearing the tux growled, and with a move that was utterly familiar to him released two sets of shiny adamantium claws from its tiny fists.

"MARIEEE!!!!"


	3. Bathroom Break

"Logan, come out of there!"

"No."

"Come on! What's the matter with you? You woke up the whole fucking wing!"

_muttering, growling, coughing_

"What was that, sugar?"

_cough_ "There was a mouse and it tried to stab me."

"Logan…"

"There was. It was singing to this other mouse with three snails. Then it tried to stab me."

"Well, it's gone now. You can come out."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. There are no mice or snails on your bed."

"Did you check the whole room? Even under the bed?"

"Christ, Logan! I will not go checking the underside of your bed!"

"Fine. I can sleep in here." _cough_

"Logan! You can't sleep in the bathroom! You get pneumonia, or something! Get back in your bed right now!"

_cough, cough_ "You're siding with that mouse now, Rogue?"

_sigh_ "What have I done to deserve this?"

* * *

"Logan, please. Open the door."

"No."

"But I have to pee…"

"Pee in your pants. I don't fucking care." _cough_ "This isn't the only freaking bathroom in this joint!"

"Logan? What have you been doing?"

"Huh?"

"Why there are ten empty bottles of cough syrup in the trash bin? What did you do with it?"

"Duh. Drank it, of course…" _cough, growl_

"Jesus, Logan! You can't just go slugging this stuff like it was beer or something!"

"Why?"

"It'll make you sick!"

"And I fail to see how it would make any difference to my situation right now…"

"No wonder you keep seeing nonexistent mice and snails…"

_growl…_ "They were here. Right here, on my chest. Singing. Then I poked that mouse chick and that mouse guy got angry. Flashed me pretty decent looking claws and told me to keep my hands off from his girl." _cough_ "In retrospect, I have to admit that sounds kind of surreal…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh, shit… It is kind of cold in here…" _groan, shuffling_ "Marie… Do you know how to pick locks? I can't open this…"

* * *

"Better?"

"Yeah… As soon as this trembling stops… It's so fucking cold in here…"

"Stop whining. You have three blankets on. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Could you sleep over here?"

"Logan, no. My skin…"

"You have your nightgown on… Come on… Hop in. Please?" _groan, whine_

* * *

_sigh_ "Thanks, darling…"

"Logan? Hands off from my boobs."

"Oh, is that what these are? Sorry, they felt so warm…"

"Logan. Hands off, or hands off…."

"Okay, okay…" _grumbling, cough_ "How can I hold you then?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way that doesn't involve touching my breasts. Stop twitching. And poking… Logan!"

"What?"

"Please, tell me you're not completely naked, and that isn't your erection poking my back."

"Why should I lie to you?"

"Logan!"


	4. Mr Banana

It was warm and sunny day. Just the kind of day that was best spent at the beach. And not just any beach, but a tropical one, with green sea, white sand, and lush, tropical forest surrounding you.

"And here I am…" It was little uncomfortable task, to try to peel a banana with gloved fingers, especially when the said fruit kept slipping from her fingers. It was like it was trying to escape from her. As soon as her hand wrapped around the plump and firm banana, it started to squirm, and she had to let go of it. She didn't want to squish it. She hated mashed banana.

"Come on! I'm hungry!" She groaned, running after the banana that had suddenly grown a pair of legs and arms, and was currently running away from her. Apparently the stupid fruit was being mean, or really didn't care. She stopped running, and watched after it until it disappeared to the thicket.

"Stupid banana. See if I care…" She murmured.

Sea looked inviting. She didn't have bathing suit. For some reason she had seen it appropriate to dress up to her nightgown. Well, there was absolutely nobody else around… She shrugged off her nightgown, and took few tentative steps towards the shoreline. Would she dare to run in?

Water didn't look that deep. And it was a lagoon. No waves. And from the looks of it, almost a kilometer worth of soft, sandy bottom of the sea. She spread her hands like wings, closed her eyes and took off running. She was running, she was running so fast that her feet didn't even touch the ground anymore. Yet she had the distinct feeling that she wasn't moving. She was going absolutely nowhere.

"All right, kid. Take it easy. We'll ask Jean to take a look at you. Just calm down." Voice sounded distantly familiar. She opened her eyes. Mr. Banana was back, wearing long-sleeved shirt, jeans and gloves, holding her up from the ground from her armpits.

"Jeesh, you're burning up. Stop kicking now. I'll take you to med lab. There has to be something Jean can give to you. I'm quite sure you're not supposed to twitch and cramp like that."

"Leave me alone, you stupid fruit!" She kicked Mr. Banana between legs.

"Shit… You aren't helping me here, Marie…" Mr. Banana growled, flung her over his shoulder and started walking towards the forest.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

"Stop hitting me!"

"Grrr… Let me go!"

"Stop kicking me!"

"Put me down, NOW!"

"Oww… Stop biting me!"

Finally, after long and jarring journey through the forest, bouncing on surprisingly firm shoulders of Mr. Banana they arrived to a place Mr. Banana for some reason called the med lab. To Marie it looked like some sort of temple. Mr. Banana slapped her unceremoniously to a very ceremonious-looking stone altar. She tried to scramble away, but Mr. Banana held her in place with one hand, and reached somewhere behind him with the other, yanking a peculiar looking palm tree beside him.

"Look at her, Jean. She's a mess. Do something!" Mr. Banana growled.

"I wouldn't be a mess if somebody hadn't dragged me through half of the fucking jungle like some caveman…" Palm tree shivered a bit, shaking its red leaves.

"I have already tried. She doesn't seem to respond to anything. This is a nasty one. I'll take a blood sample…" Blood sample? What the fuck had the palm tree in its mind? She felt a sharp jab of a needle on her arm, then it was over. Palm tree was turning around, holding a coconut shell filled with her blood, and suddenly she felt very weak.

"Take her to a cold bath. It should lower the temperature, maybe buy us some more time…"

* * *

"That's it, kid… Stay with me, Marie. Focus." **slap!** "Focus, Marie! Open your eyes. Open your fucking eyes!"

"Whu… Wha… Logan?"

"You have to stay awake. Keep those eyes open. Don't make me tape them open. I will if I have to…"

"Why is it so cold…"

"Do you know who you are?"

"Duh… Marie…"

"Good. Do you know who I am?"

"Forgot your name, Logan?"

"No, I didn't. Do you know where you are?"

"Uhh… In a bathtub? …In cold water? Logan, let me out of here… I'll get sick…"

"You have been sick nearly a week now, Marie. Jean is checking your blood downstairs to see if she missed something at the first tests she took from you."

"Sick? I wasn't sick… You were…"

"I was. I got better. Then you got ill."

"I knew I would catch it…"

**slap!**

"Ow! What was that for!"

"Don't fall asleep. I don't like hitting women, but I will fucking mop the floors with you if you even try to go back to sleep. Understood?"

"…Sir, yes, sir…"

"Not funny, kid. I have been so fucking worried…"

_meep, meep! meep, meep!_

"Really original ring tone, Logan…"

"Fuck you, kid. You'd prefer if I had one of those pansy-assed whiny-boys squealing like pigs after some non-existent chick… Yeah, Jean?"

"No… Maybe something from AC/DC…"

"Isn't that those old Aussie guys squealing like pigs after… well, after something? … No, I wasn't talking to you, Jean. What did you say?"

"No! Well, yeah… They're kind of old… And Australian… And the lead singer IS kind of squealing… But it's manly music, the kind of that tells people you take shit from no one…"

"Okay, Jean. I'll do it. Bring the adrenalin. Bye."

"What are you doing? Wasn't I supposed to stay in the bathtub? Logan? Logan?"

"I'd rather do this on the bed… Ready, kid?"

"Uhh… For what, Logan? I'm still sick, and besides I'm not even legal, or even interested in you like that or… Well, maybe I am but that's not the point… Why are you taking your gloves off?"

"You're going to borrow my mutation. There's no other way you can kick whatever that is that is bothering you. It is flu, but Jean hasn't seen anything like that before. Ready, kid?"

"Logan, no!"

"Yes. Jean will be here soon. She's bringing the crash cart, just in case. Relax. It's not like we haven't done this before…"

"Logan! Ackkk…"

* * *

"T.N.T."

"What…"

"I got you a new ring tone to your cell. T.N.T. from AC/DC."

"Why?"

"It took exactly thirty seconds from your mutation to heal me. It took even less time from the new you in my head to clear off all the other squatters. Old you, Magneto and David."


End file.
